Hard Truths

My god, I am just so in love with you. The eloquent words aren't coming tonight, so overpowered am I by these feelings.

And now, for the first time since my heart started down this path… I'm confident you're in love with me, too.

So now, what do we do? Is this dance we've been doing these past months enough? Hah! I doubt it, as I sit here desperate to hear your voice again, knowing I won't for… god. For too long.

I feel like if I could just hold you now, feel your warmth beside me, feel the rise and fall of your breath, the pounding of your heart… for five minutes, I could die a happy man.

It's truly an amazing thing when fantasy starts becoming reality. The harshness of this existence begins to assert itself. As beautiful as the thought of hopping in a car and driving off into the sunset with you is, we both know it can't happen. We both have responsibilities. Kids. Jobs. Hell, spouses.

So now, what do we do? This dance, it isn't fair, to anybody involved. To us, always skirting the line but never crossing it, it's a denial of our love. To those who love us, never quite receiving our love in return, not the way they used to.

We haven't talked about it, but… I think we both know what needs to happen. And it isn't going to be easy. Or fun. One or both of us might find we regret it, though there's no turning back. Is that a path you're truly willing to go down? If so, I hope it's more to do with you than with me. I want to be there for you at the end of your journey. I want that shining future together. God. More than anything I've ever wanted in my life. But I kinda hope you'll be doing it for yourself, too.

As for me? I've become convinced the trip will be worth it, even if you aren't there at trail's end. Don't get me wrong… I want you to be, so very, very much. I mean, my god… you're the reason I breath anymore. But I've realized over the past couple of years that it will be worth it for me, even if you aren't. No matter how devastating that may be.

It isn't going to be easy. Not for either of us. But will it be worth it? I cannot imagine a universe in which the answer is not “yes”. Yes. Yes. Because I love you.

And that's the hardest truth of them all.